"Art is the creative expression of the human spirit, and it cannot- it must not, for the sake of the human community- be limited to those few who achieve critical acclaim or financial reward." -Pat Schneider
This has been a difficult prompt for me. Originally I thought I would try to write in the voice of one of my students, one who is always yammering about how she is going to get back at people. But honestly, I don't know the lingo, so trying to write like her proved difficult. I thought about using a structure to see if that could help. I fell back on good old acrostic. Then I thought about the only time I think I have felt "sweet revenge," and that was turning my life around after leaving my first husband. So, like Annmarie, mine ended up being about my married life now, and how it has been the best revenge against a small life I was living before, that was mostly being planned by one. And not very well, may I add.
Remember how you shared your deepest wishes and he laughed, saying that is unlikely to
Ever happen, and you were crushed and believed him, not well-
Versed in being true to yourself, wanting approval, putting his thoughts as priority, as un-
Egalitarian as that sounds, it was the way you saw things, too scary to stand up to him, there was
No other way until that moment when there was a way, a word, a smile,
Giving you a new vision, a way to be, the courage to act, the space and grace to grow and
Evolve into this woman, this strong and artistic woman, who felt sweet revenge with every success on the realization of her dreams.
So we date for a couple months,
you think it's ok to make a move
your delicate ego shatters
when I turn you down.
You go find another girl
who will give you what you want. Fine by me, I say.
Have fun raising that baby you made.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
In the lunchroom, my girlfriends gang up on me,
warning me I'll be the only virgin to graduate
from Dunedin High. Fine by me, I say.
How'd your abortion go last week
I want to say to one,
ask the other how she got that bruise,
knowing damn well she won't leave;
she's convinced herself he loves her.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
I always trusted my gut,
it never steered me wrong.
You used me as your beard,
conveniently pledging your love
on prom night in your steamed up car.
You get pissed when I say no.
Throw it in reverse,
quickly drive me home.
I wasn't who or what you really wanted.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
High school is finally over.
What a relief.
I throw up my red cap,
say adios to this ridiculous place
children having children
girls with limited visions
of who they can become.
Held in chains by emotions
they have no ability to control.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
The next weekend, I'm introduced to a guy,
blind date, why not?
Three months later, he's not pressuring me yet.
But, I trusted my gut, I make a move.
Turns out he was who I was waiting for all along.
Thirty years later, none of that has changed.
How's that cheating husband?
How many times has he broken your heart?
You're already sizing up the next one,
starting the cycle again.
Good luck, my friend.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
I know this was my prompt, but I've got to admit, one soundtrack for an entire life is simply not possible. At least it isn't for me. Soundtracks were born from two to three hour theater productions or movies. We're talking about hours, not years. The older I get, the harder this becomes!
I considered a double "album" or a box set. But I sort of felt like that was cheating. Instead, I acknowledged to myself that I would not be able to cover my life chronologically. It would just be too hard to reduce that down to a single album of songs. Then I thought, maybe two songs per decade I've been alive. That felt too forced. Maybe I would want more than one from one decade or none from another. Then I thought about special moments or stages in my life that I associate with certain songs. I was going in that direction when I was on the road for work and I heard a song on satellite radio that sparked a new idea. Live music. What follows is my own live album: You Haven't Heard it Until You've Heard it Live; LJK 1973- 2017 Things Can Only Get Betterby Howard Jones (concert 1985)
There are definitely some really annoying things about being the youngest, but having an older sister had its perks too. I was in 7th or 8th grade when my parents let me attend my first major concert in NYC. Nighttime in Manhattan as a pre-teen, made possible only because my big sis was going! My dad drove all four of us (my sister and her best friend, me and my best friend) from Long Island all the way into the city, and dropped us right at the door to see Howard Jones live at Radio City Music Hall. Man did I ever feel grown up! In full 80's swing, with teased out hair and a colorful suit fit with big shoulder pads of course, HoJo belted out his pop hits and played the keyboards as he famously did. No One is to Blame, Like to Get to Know You Well, all his synthesized 80's hits were awesome! I can still hear the crowd chanting when he stopped playing to solicit a response from his young, new-wavish-turned-pop fans. Wuh, wuh, woa.....woa, woa, woa... Things can only get better? I thought. Seriously, it gets better than this? Hey, I was 12. It seemed it couldn't get any better than this!
Abracadabraby Steve Miller Band (concert 1983?)
I will never forget how much my dad loved and still loves this song. His adoration spilled over to me, and I have three distinct memories about it. The first is how popular it was when I was in sleep away camp. The cassette was passed around like a hot commodity. Those sound effects... so 80's! The second is riding in the car with my dad. He did this a lot but I specifically remember this song. At a stop light he would release the break to bounce the car to the beat of a song. This one was his favorite. The third memory, the one that links it to my Live album, is at the Steve Miller band concert at Jones Beach on Long Island. I don't know the exact year (but song and album released in 1982), Technically this was my first live show, but I went with my dad, my stepmom, and my sister. The crowd went wild when they played Abracadabra. But the most famous memory of all, is me turning to my dad and saying, "What's that smell?" All night I complained about the funky odor. I'm sure you can figure it out. It's a running joke in my family now. Remember, I was only about 10. Shower the People by James Taylor
It was hard to narrow down just one JT song on my album because he's the artist I've seen live the most. But I made the decision to include only one song per artist and I was focusing specifically on the live memories. This by far blows the others away. As a kid I started listening to James Taylor via his Greatest Hits album, which might seem a bit mundane. He was popular among the counselors at my summer camp, which I attended from ages 6-10. It was from that album that I went back and started listening to the older ones, and following his new ones. But holy moly, nothing on any of his albums sounded as amazing as it did live. And when he released the double live album, James Taylor (Live) in 1993, I finally had a recording of what I had experienced each time I went to one of his shows. Shower the People, with the solo from one of his back-up singers, Arnold McCuller would knock anyone's socks off. And as with most live recordings, as good as they can be, they pale in comparison to being there. This is by far one of my favorite live songs ever recorded. You must check it out. And by the way, I danced with my dad to this song (the studio version) at my wedding.
Vienna by Billy Joel
The only artist I've come close to seeing as many times as James Taylor is Billy Joel. It's hard to grow up on Long Island and not become a huge Billy Joel fan! Few of even his overplayed songs will prompt me to change the radio station. They are all ingrained in my memory like little stories. I have so many memories attached to so many of his songs. The Glass Houses album is part of the soundtrack of my childhood. But live, I have a recent and fond memory of the song Vienna. It wasn't one of the biggest commercial hits, and it was rarely if ever played on the radio. But my sophomore year of high school, the captain of our cheerleading squad loved to play it during the cool down after our workout. That was when I really started to become familiar with it. Then a few years back, Sirus did a temporary Billy Joel satellite radio station. In between song sets, they would play back interview bits with Billy and he told the story behind this song. It sat with me ever since. I couldn't find the actual interview, but here is an article that tells about it. The reason it made my live album is because two years ago, my husband, son, and I went to see Billy Joel Live on New Years Eve in Orlando. The show was so much fun, it was like we were in a jam session in his living room. He was laid back and hosting his version of a NYE bash. Several of the songs he played by audience choice. He would pick two songs, solicit applause, and whichever one had louder cheers, that's what he played. I was thrilled when the audience around me was as excited as I was for him to play Vienna, which was the first time I ever heard it live in concert, though I had seen him more than 5 times. I don't even remember which song it beat out to get played, but it sounded fantastic!
When I See You Smile by Bad English
Ever heard of this band? Can't say I'd be surprised if you hadn't. Babys (yes, they spelled it wrong) front man- turned soloist John Waite got together with some of his old bandmates and one of the guys from Journey, and formed this two-album (three if you count Greatest Hits-seriously?) hair band. Their power ballad When I See You Smile, became one of "our songs" in high school. Paul and I were full-fledged metal heads, and there was no way we'd miss this concert when they came to town. We had this great concert venue, the Sunrise Musical Theater. It was just big enough to be a legit venue, but small enough there were no bad seats in the house. It only sat a little over 3,500. Paul and I held hands and looked longingly into each other's eyes as if the band was performing just for us, sap-py! It was a school night, and we had permission to be out late specifically because of the concert. Cheesy as it is, I remember pulling over by a park on the way home and fogging up the windows. Big time. Sadly, in 2002 Sunrise Musical Theater became a church. Boo. Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden
It makes me sad to even talk about Soundgarden since frontman Chris Cornell suicided this past year. His voice was the best in 90's alternative rock, hands down. We saw them in Mesa, Arizona one year when we were on a family trip for Thanksgiving. Can't really tell you why this song specifically, except it showed off his voice. I remember Mesa was (probably still is) a tobacco free city. It was actually illegal to smoke in the city, and I thought that was pretty cool. It was even cooler (sorry, not sorry) that Chris and the other band members said "Fuck it," we'll pay the fine. They smoked on stage and performed the hell out of their songs. Sadly, even though they put out a great album a couple of years ago, I will never see them live again because Chris died. This video doesn't do it justice.
Sin Wagon by The Dixie Chicks
I've seen the Chicks twice and this is my favorite song of theirs live. Honky tonkin', knee slapping' jam! There's really not much more to say. Their voices, their musicianship, the lyrics. Live concert perfection. And of course, the second time I saw them was with my girls. It was a Trailbrazen trip to remember! I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty
My husband and I were talking just the other day about how sad we still feel about TP's death each time we hear one of his songs. He's on our iPods and the radio. He's still everywhere. What I remember about his performance of I Won't Back Down, the first time I saw him at the West Palm Beach Amphitheater, was when he shared how he felt about the music industry at the time. Unlike every other concert in the venue (and every other venue), he had no commercial sponsors for that tour. He believed the music and the tour should speak for itself. He wanted his tickets to be affordable to the fans, and they were. We sat back on the lawn and listened to him lead right into I Won't Back Down. I am so going to miss being able to hear new music from Tom Petty. You've Got a Friend by Carole King & James Taylor
I know I said I would only have one song per artist, but this doesn't count. As huge of a fan as I am of James Taylor and even Carole King, I have gotten to where I don't even enjoy hearing this widely overplayed song anymore. When it pops up on a mix, I skip it. When it comes on the radio, I change it. But in 2010, this pair of BFF's went on tour together to promote their Live at the Troubadour tour. It was absolutely magnificent. Nothing beats these two singing the quintessential song about friendship and meaning it. It was so touching and absolutely beautiful. That concert was something else! I had never seen Carole King live before and of course it added a new layer to seeing JT live. Love.
Somebody Bring Me Some Water by Melissa Ethridge
Mad respect for this woman. I was never a huge fan, but I enjoyed hearing her music on the radio. So I was pleased when I found out she was opening for the Eagles Hell Freezes Over concert we had tickets for at Joe Robbie Stadium. Man can she belt it out! This song was outstanding, and it made me an instant fan. She has since sung it in duet with Joan Osbourne. Fantastic! Song and Emotion by Tesla
Tesla is still my favorite rock band of all time. And this song is beautiful and emotional performed live. When Tesla first started out, they toured as an opening band with Def Leppard who had already hit big. The guys in the two bands became very good friends and they spent a lot time together. on the road, forming a lifelong friendship. In 1991, the guys from Tesla wrote this song as a tribute to Steve Clark, the Def Leppard lead guitarist and songwriter who died of alcohol poisoning. The crowd goes wild for the song, raised lighters and all. You can always hear the fans singing. The song starts ballad-like and pays tribute to Clark by breaking into some heavy guitar riffs. It's classic Tesla, and it's endearing to know there is a rockstar brotherhood, a real friendship. Jeff Keith, Tesla's lead singer, always looks a bit choked up. Rockin' In the Free World by Neil Young, performed by Pearl Jam
Not much of a Neil Young fan. But this song has the best memory attached to it. One of the most bad-ass concerts I ever attended was the 1993 Pearl Jam Vs. tour. Vs. was the follow up to the band's debut album Ten, and it did not disappoint. I was in college, and my sister Jen, my husband Paul and his friend Matt, and I all went down to the Bayfront Amphitheater in Miami. It was a steamy hot night, and the venue was completely outdoors. I can't believe I remember this, but The Screaming Trees opened up for Pearl Jam. People were lined up waiting to be let into the amphitheater, which was completely visible to us from outside the turnstiles where we were being held back. Everyone wanted in. It was the 90's grunge scene. People were moody and anxious. The Trees started playing, and the crowd outside the gate got angry because the show was starting and we hadn't been let in yet. Fans were screaming and waving their fists in the air. I got a little scared when the entire crowd started rocking forward and back, trying to gain enough momentum to push through the gate. Teenagers and young twenty-somethings were laying face down on the ground along the fence, zip-tied at the wrists by the police. At 5' 2" I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold myself up against the momentum. Paul cradled my space with stiff ballroom dancing-like arms, trying to keep any human weight off me. We managed to stay on our feet. Finally, they opened the gate and people poured in like floodwaters. By now Pearl Jam was coming out on stage, and it started to rain. Two helicopters were circling above us shining search spotlights down and around the crowd. Eddie Vedder grumbled something we could barely hear, but it was angry. And the band started to play. Now nighttime, it was dark and in the spotlights shining down from the helicopters, you could see the pouring rain. Fans were screaming, and Eddie and company started singing this song. It was a message in support of the angry fans, and directed at "the man." Keep on rocking in the free world.... and we did. It was absolutely exhilarating!
Revenge. The most noble of us have wanted to seek it at some point, even if we never acted upon that urge. Listening to "Thunder" by Imagine Dragons, I realized it is a revenge song of sorts (see the full lyrics here):
Kids were laughing in my classes While I was scheming for the masses Who do you think you are? Dreaming 'bout being a big star They say you're basic, they say you're easy You're always riding in the backseat Now I'm smiling from the stage While you were clapping in the nose bleeds
Being one of those on the outskirts in middle and high school, I can totally relate.
Maybe you've wanted to seek sweet revenge on a man who wronged you. A co-worker whose screwed you over. Those in power who think they're untouchable.
I know we are all peace-loving people in this group, but I thought it would be a fun challenge to write our own revenge lyrics. A story or fable would work too. As always, the form is up for grabs, but think about who or what you'd love recriminate and let some wicked humor come through. As Edward Buller-Lytton said, "The pen is mightier than the sword."
When I originally started this piece, it was going to be an explanation on how I don't quite know how to have fun with music--how all the songs I really love are meaningful and speak to me on some deep level. Blah, blah, blah. It fit in with the parameters of the prompt, but the idea was to have fun with it. And, admittedly, I haven't exactly been a barrel of monkeys lately. I need to pause the cassette. Rewind. Re-record.
And then, it hit me: I can have fun with this prompt. I went through adolescence during the 80's, so why not highlight some of the one-hit wonders that define my life?
Disclaimer: These are definitely not my favorite songs. In fact, I hate some of them.
August, 1981. I was just starting 7th grade. We had just recently gotten cable TV, a huge step up from the 4-5 channels we watched previously, and a huge step for my family. TV was not a big part of our lives, and our parents choosing to pay for more channels felt like a Christmas miracle. MTV premiered with "Video Killed the Radio Star," ironically signaling the dawn of a whole new era. To me, the lyrics seem to lament the dying off of old traditions in music. In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind, we've gone too far. Pictures came and broke your heart. Put down the blame on VCR. Music became dependent on visuals--visuals that competed for our attention, our listening skills taking some serious hits.
1982. "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo came out. Besides the lead singer being a hottie with crazy hair, the lyrics seemed to speak my language. I was a super shy (yes, it is true) and socially awkward middle school student. So shy in fact, I got accused of being stuck up. What? I was dying inside every time one of the popular girls tried to talk to me, a courtesy only extended because my new friend Julie was part of their crew. My naivety kept me from understanding what the song was really about--a guy trying to get an uptight virgin to have sex with him. Ok. Maybe it was about me--I just had no idea. Zero. If clues were posted at every corner with blinking lights, I wouldn't have seen the signs.
Fast forward to 1986: I am a junior in high school. I worked so hard, but I wasn't exactly setting the world on fire. Slightly above average and one of the hardest workers in class, my teachers loved me. In fact, my Chemistry I teacher didn't have the heart to give me the "F" he should have because I had worked so hard in his class. I just didn't get it. That would be my first "D," a heartbreaker for sure. I had never gotten a "D." I think I may have only had one "C" before that. Cue "Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades," a wildly misinterpreted song. It wasn't speaking about the optimistic future of a high school student like we all thought. It was really a statement on what life would look like after a nuclear holocaust. I had always been preoccupied with the end of the world thanks to my doom and gloom religious upbringing, but now the threat seemed very real. Was my future bright? It didn't exactly seem so at the time.
In 1987, "Heart and Soul" was my favorite song. Never mind it was speaking to something I hadn't experienced quite yet. But, I met John--now my husband--that year, the weekend after graduation to be exact, and I had stars in my eyes. Walking on water, walking on air. Yep. That was me. Smitten, and for the first time thinking I found "the one." My instincts turned out to be correct.
1988, mid-way through my freshman year in college, Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians release "What I Am." I'm not aware of too many things, I know what I know if you know what I mean. I was finally realizing how naive I was. I was exposed to alternative lifestyles--met an openly gay woman who was in my Interdisciplinary Studies class, a real life adult who had tried to live life in a box she didn't fit in, putting on a good show during her marriage. I remember her coming out on campus was a huge deal. I will admit I was uncomfortable with it. My world was so tiny, so narrow-minded, so confined to my parents' strict belief system. Then, I was assigned to a group project, and she--Linda was her name--was one of the members. Hearing her story changed my life. She deserves to be happy, to be who she is, I remember thinking. This was first taste of thinking outside of the way I was raised. Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks; religion is a light in the fog. Was everything I had been taught wrong? Or if not wrong, too shallow? I felt the need to seek answers for myself, question things I never felt allowed to question before.
But, when it comes down to it, as I look back on my life, there is one song from 1986 that could be the theme song for my life: "Break Out" by Swing Sister. It's upbeat and super catchy, but don't let that fool you. The lyrics have some deep meaning, at least for me.
When explanations make no sense, When every answer's wrong, You're fighting with lost confidence, All expectations gone. The time has come to make or break; Move on, don't hesitate. Breakout, don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. When situations never change, Tomorrow looks unsure, Don't leave your destiny to chance. What are you waiting for? The time has come to make or break. Breakout, don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Breakout, don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Some people stop at nothing. If you're searching for something, Lay down the law, shout out for more. Breakout and shout day in and day out; Breakout, don't stop to ask' Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout.
I am still finding ways to say what I want to say, still fighting with the things that hold me back. The fear of disappointing people, or worse, upsetting them. I am still breaking out.
When I first read this prompt, I felt like I had already said so much about my life in music. But then as I thought about it, many creative ideas popped up. The first one I sketched out was a collection of songs that remind me of teaching -- songs I used to teach, or that my students loved and wanted me to play over and over again. I had over twenty songs written down, then worked to narrow down the list. But somehow, it still felt all over the place, some songs carrying more weight, and some only distant memories.
Then I came up on the idea of songs I recall singing along to in the car. This felt like a fresh idea, not as immediate in my life, and definitely had connections to various life events. So with that, I give you my list of songs that never fail to take me back to exact time, place, and company. These are powerhouse songs to me, even as I don't really care for a few of them. They carry a memory, and that is good enough.
It’s late autumn in
1964, a warm winter day between the holidays.I’m in our station
wagon with members of my family, as well as a couple of my dad’s cousins, Carol and Bobby.We are
listening to the AM radio, and a song by Shirley Ellis comes on.It’s called “The Name Game,” and Carol and Bobby immediately took charge of
teaching us how to sing it.As we
drove the Lorain County roads, we sang everyone's name, one by one, together.This is my first clear memory of singing along with others in the car.
It’s a year later, the fall
of 1965, driving in that same Chevy station
wagon along Center Ridge Road out to my grandmother’s house.The Four Seasons were always being
played on the radio, and our favorite to sing along to is “Let’s
Hang On.”It became a
tradition to sing any Four Seasons song that came on: my dad, my brothers, and me.
It’s the summer of
1971, and we are in a rental station
wagon making our first trip to visit our cousins in Alexandria,
Virginia.We are in mountainous
areas, most likely along the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The AM radio is giving us
plenty of opportunities to sing along to John Denver’s “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” as a family.All of us knew
the words. It is a clear and distinct travel memory, a trip that was very special, and the last year before our world fell apart when my brother got ill.
It’s autumn, 1971,
and my friends and I are 16-years-old.My friend Laura has been dating a 19-year-old man named Chuck behind her
parents back.Because of that,
Chuck sometimes drives all of us to school: Laura, Kate, Mary Kay, and me, crammed into his Chevy Camaro.The big hit that fall was a song by Cher, about a
sixteen-year-old girl and an older man.I recently read that Cher hates the song, but for us “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves” gave us
a sing-a-long opportunity those school day mornings.
And, as we were wont to do, we liked to change the
words.Cher would sing:
And every night all
the men would come around
And lay their money
down.
But we liked to sing it this way:
And every night all
the men would come around
And lay my body down.
The subtilties of the song were not lost on us.And Chuck never failed to act shocked
at our brashness, we in our blue and green plaid Catholic schoolgirl uniforms
participating in a clandestine activity.Nothing subtle about that!
It is the summer of
1973.We might be in the blue 1972 Chevy Nova, which lacked power
steering and belonged to a woman I worked with who didn’t drive, inherited from
her ex-husband who took his own life in it (running the car in the closed garage, not
a gun!)Or we might be in Becky’s
dad’s green Pontiac Grand Prix.Or we might be in Marc’s yellow 1964 Ford Mustang (not as glamorous as you might imagine.)Becky,
Debbie, Cheryl, and (maybe)Marc, and I
are singing one of three songs at the top of our lungs: “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown,” “Loves Me Like a Rock,” and as we got into
fall, “Monster Mash.”I cannot even begin to describe how
hearing any of those three songs take me back to that summer I had just
graduated from high school, and the whole world was waiting for me.
My 1973 singing partners -- Cheryl, Becky, and Debbie-- seated on the back of the Grand Prix
It took a while, but I finally met the world when I got my
first “grown-up” job as a computer operator, right beforeChristmas in
1975.I had inherited the red VolkswagenBeetle from my brother, whom had purchased his own car, and that is
what I used to get to work a few cities away.As I was getting used to a full time schedule working for an
exceedingly weird family (their middle school son was training me), I would
drive home on snowy evenings unable not to sing along to “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” playing repeatedly on AM radio: just me and Paul.I was by myself, but the song made me feel uplifted. I was uncertain about the workplace, but needed the job, and I was coming up to the first Christmas after the loss of my brother. I needed to participate in Paul's humor in order to keep moving forward.
It’s the summer of
1983.I’ve been divorced for
nearly a year, and I’m driving my new gunmetal
blue Buick Skyhawk – my first brand new car with payments! Every day I put
on my power suit and head into Cleveland for my job.Without fail, while I'm getting on Interstate 71, I
hear one of two songs that make me want to drive very fast:Stevie Nick’s “Stand Back” or “P.Y.T.”
by Michael Jackson. I would hit the gas
and sing along, feeling happy and free in my new life designed just for me,
and working at a job where I felt appreciated.
Summer is definitely a theme here, right?Now it is the summer of 1985, the year I turned 30.I
often go out to lunch with my friend Ginny – so we are either in my two-tone blue Buick Somerset, or her red Pontiac Grand Am.Sometime while driving to or from the restaurant, we would
hope and pray we’d hear “Glory Days”
by Bruce Springsteen, our favorite lines being the last verse, which Ginny and I sang the loudest:
Now I think I'm going
down to the well tonight
and I'm going to drink till I get my fill
And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days
We swore this would never happen to us!
Bouncing ahead now to the winter of 1994.Our
area was experiencing a horrible cold snap – three days of temperatures below
zero.I’m a business owner,
tooling around in my green Infiniti G3 with
the tan leather interior (my favorite car ever until I got my current
Tucson), and I realize I am completely over the regular radio stations I’ve
been listening to.I decide to
turn on the country station –WGAR– just to hear something different.
And this is when I fell in love with 1990’s country
music.
The song I recall the best, because it was the first one
that I learned the words to and could sing along, was “John Deere Green” by Joe Diffie.At first I was a little befuddled by the words, not quite
understanding what it was all about.But eventually the meaning came through:
In John Deere green
On a hot summer night
He wrote "Billy Bob loves Charlene"
In letters three-foot high
And the whole town said the boy should have used red
But it looked good to Charlene
In John Deere green
I felt rejuvenated by the music after years of all varieties
of rock and pop. I listened to country for the next couple years, until the
stations decided to reduce the number of songs they had on their playlist, and
it all began to be too repetitive.But for a while, Joe and I
had a blast singing his song
With the ability to listen to CDs and tapes in my car, I
didn’t listen to the radio that much as the years went by.But there is one more song that stands
out in my mind, a song that I would sing along to every chance I got.It was popular during the time I was
preparing to move to Florida, and I remember hearing it many times on the drive
down in my gunmetalblue Toyota Camry.It was a
solo sing-a-long since the only person with me was my sister-in-law Gail, and I
don’t think she knew that song.But I would sing along with Rob
Thomas to the Santana song “Smooth.”It still stands as the song that
reflects the year 2000 to me in all its manifestations, probably because it
played on the radio for a very long time.But it is one I never get tired of, and I still dig singing:
And if you said this
life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
'Cause you're so smooth
I don’t know. There is just something there that confirmed
my journey, and brought me smoothly to where I am today.
We all love music, whimsical lyrics and melodic tunes. Music is all around us soundtracking our lives and our experiences. Songs and singers have a way of expressing things in a way we wish we could. They stir up emotions and memories, placing us in certain moments in time or imagining things yet to come. This prompt is an adaptation of an assignment I used to do with high school students, but I've always thought adults would have even more fun with it. And, because we're all experienced writers, we don't need any assignment parameters. We're not being graded, after all!
For prompt #30, you are going to create a musical playlist, the soundtrack to your life. With the list, you will create a set of liner notes for your selections. Think of it as a collection of micro memoirs or poems or tiny texts, about your life. Of course, you can write a combination of any of these or other forms you think might work for you. The point is to keep each one brief enough that you would be able to include them all in an album insert... think the old days of a record album.
The playlist does not have to be a compilation of all your favorite songs. Some of the selections might just be representative of a period of time in your life, or a specific memory or a dream or a feeling you get when you hear it. The whole project is about utilizing the songs to evoke emotions and memory images in your writing.
You may or may not create the actual playlist on a CD or through one of the music apps. That's your choice. It might be helpful to have it to do the writing. But present the list of songs and the artists who perform them (especially if there is a specific rendition you prefer of songs that are covered by multiple artists), and include the liner note with it. If you really want to add extra flair, choose an image for your album cover too!
We've all had those WTH moments. I've had more than my fair share lately, but I'm trying to put it all in perspective by focusing on what has actually gone right, evidence that the universe is not out to get me. Funny how different life looks this way.
When Things Go Right
You know what they say about the best laid plans.
We had a doozy--sell the house, buy a high rise,
enjoy wine sunsets overlooking the water from the 14th floor every evening.
The house did sell, the offer skating in the last day of the listing agreement,
right about the time we found out John's company was being acquired.
Bullet dodged.
We became renters--a high rise on the river,
enjoying the sights and sounds of the downtown life.
Fast forward.
In Orlando, I embark on creative recovery,
start writing a book, dabble in nature photography.
I find myself, find out a lot about myself.
Given the time and solitude, I make great strides.
We finally concede to make Orlando our home.
Sick of renting, we pick a lot with a view and floor plan we could live with.
But, we don't plunk down a deposit just yet.
It's not time.
Finally, we take our long-awaited vacation,
deciding on Oregon's wine country, The Columbia River Gorge, Portland, and Cannon Beach.
Fires in the Columbia River Gorge divert us to Newport
where magic happens on the shore--seals, a whale, a wise old man.
Right before we were about to commit to the new home in the form of cold hard cash,
John receives a job offer back home--an offer he can't refuse.
Except he could refuse. He just didn't want to. I didn't want him to.
I visit Naples for a weekend, find the perfect home, ready to go.
We negotiate an early lease buyout and excitedly prepare to head home.
We find out our new home and neighborhood survived Irma,
just some downed trees and a power outage, all to be fixed by our arrival.
We close the morning we have movers scheduled--
just in the nick of time.
Sigh of relief.
We are home--in more ways than one.
We reunite with friends, spend time with our daughter.
A job becomes available, hand-picked for me--
working with someone I truly admire and trust.
After a long wait for the ideal time to ship, the three cases of wine from Willamette Valley arrive--
Just as we are about to leave town for a concert in Orlando.
Another worry lifted.
A call comes today. The shutters for the kitchen door are done early. We'd like to install them the 22nd, she says. Perfect, I happen to have that day off.
Response to Prompt #29"What the Hell Just Happened?"
My Dear Country
I.
It was November 8, 2016 when I slyly played the Norah Jones
song “My Dear Country” for my 8th graders. “Nothing is as scary as
election day,” she sings. I did it as a bit of a joke.I was so trusting.
Little did I know...
II.
That evening I’m watching the returns like most Americans
probably were doing.All was going
well until it wasn’t. I watched as the tide turned.My stomach sank when I could see what was going to happen. I
was stunned. I was confused. But mostly I was embarrassed. I buried my face in
my pillow and cried for my country.
What the hell just
happened?
III.
Darkness descended as winter approached. Nothing said or
done was making anyone feel any better.Those with opinions tried to explain what happened.The economy and the forgotten middle
class were given as “the reasons.”
But we knew that couldn’t be true. We knew misogyny was
alive and well. We knew racial division had never truly gone away. We knew that
if there were Americans who can forgive a white man sexual assault and elect
him president, their values are royally screwed up.
And we also knew that the true economic indicator came from
the land of the rich, who held their noses and voted their greed.
IV.
January 21st comes. There is a huge Women’s March
in Washington DC.I’m in Stuart,
Florida at a Sierra Hull concert. The mood is high. The hope is strong.Sierra is a millennial who gave me new
understanding of her generation’s role in our world. She sings the 1960's Impressions
song “People Get Ready” with incredible soul.
Get ready, indeed.
After the inauguration the entire conversation revolved
around the size of the crowd. Really? Is that all we have to talk about in this
country? Any thought that real priorities would take center stage were quickly
dashed.
What. The. Hell?
V.
Blunders, blunders, blunders.Nothing sticks because something new pops up the next day.
We run out of response time. World leaders are shoved aside. Taunts come across
Twitter. Promises we thought were rock solid are being dismantled. The agencies
we rely on are headed up by people who don’t believe in the mission of their
agency.This has gone beyond
Orwellian.
It’s relentless.
Nothing is changing except our will to try to live through
this. But it is hard. Month after month, we feel worn down, afraid, hopeless,
panic-stricken, angry, horrified, rattled, disgusted.
Mostly disgusted.
VI.
Comedians help us get through. There isn’t anything else we
can rely on.I begin to live for
the next Randy Rainbow or Trae Crowder video.The next excellent Saturday
Night Live skit.
I need perspective.
I need relief.
VII.
In 1993 I read a popular book by M. Scott Peck called The Road Less Traveled. I will never
forget the opening line:
Life is hard.
The day I started that book, I stared at those three words
for five minutes.He told it like
it is right up front.
What a relief.
But not really.Because he was referring to entropy – a law of thermodynamics.And a bit of a spiritual law as
well.Forces are always leading us
toward death. Forces that are not of God are powerful, not because they are
that way on their own, but because their force draws attention, taking us away
from what we must focus on. Why
else would there be the names Satan and Lucifer?We know there is truth in this.
Entropy is a force we are always fighting. But in 2017, we
are fighting against an even stronger spiritual incompetence because of its
position in on the world stage. We need more energy than ever.
As Hafiz said a long time ago:“We are all holding hands and climbing.”
It’s definitely not easy to hold the hands of millions of
Americans at the same time we try to climb this mountain of “What the hell is happeningnow?”
VIII.
By June, we are getting worn out.The strains of “People Get Ready” from January still ring in
my head, but not with the same fervor I felt.Accusations and lies continue to flow. The quest to pull
health insurance from millions continues. Putting more money in the hands of
corporations and the obscenely rich is the only priority. Fingers are pointed
and people are barred from being in our country, or deported willy-nilly.
It’s relentless.
We wonder if anything will ever stick. We wake up every day
to a new darkness and a new question:
What the hell is
happening now?
My Dear Country…I grieve.
IX.
Tragedies strike. Hate marches. Shootings. Hurricanes.
Floods. The brink of nuclear war. Suffering.
Responses from those who are charged with the care of the
American people are poor, if not non-existent.Or the responses incite, rather than comfort.
It’s all the same self-centered human error.The roller coaster ride continues.
X.
I’ve been trying to hold on to love, and the proper
response, and yes, I still believe in the miracle. But this situation seems to
have compromised my immune system. Yes, it may seem weird, but when I asked What the hell just happened? when I
received a weird diagnosis, I did some soul searching. And I realized that this
has been lying below the surface for a long time. I am keeping up a good front,
but getting sicker inside.
I can’t believe I’m the only one.
Entropy.
XI.
Hafiz said:
Not loving is letting go.
Listen,
The terrain around here
Is
Far too
Dangerous
For
That.
XII.
And I’m not the only one. There has been a surge in
references to love conquering all on social media. It’s impossible to ignore.
People are taking action, both inside and out.Speaking up. Protesting against what they see. Big white men
are being torn down for years of misbehavior. It’s happening so fast, it’s
surreal.
Yet, some pedophiles are still being excused by others, using
The Bible of all things.
What the hell is
happening?
One step forward, three steps back.
XIII.
Norah sings,
I’ve loved the things you’ve given me
I cherish you my dear country
But sometimes I don’t understand
The way we play.
XIV.
I used to think when I grew old, thanks to FDR, I would have
resources to help me.I no longer
believe that.
XV.
I now live in a world where I need to be concerned about
what Bernie Sanders called “the global oligarchy.”This is where we are.Billionaires all over the world are tearing apart the future of every
American, every world citizen, just to get more for themselves.
For what?
As they say, you can’t take it with you.Especially where they’re going.
For once in my life, I do hope Hell is real.
XVI.
It was another Tuesday in November, and the news was
good.Elections were showing a
backlash to all that has been happening.It’s the best possible news. It means we are still holding hands.We aren’t letting go.We are gathering our energy and putting
it to good use.
Oh shit! What the hell just happened? I'll tell you what.
Stirring, unknowing, confusion, weeks of doubting
and not understanding why I don't want to write.
It just. doesn't. come. I just. don't. want. to.
Writers Conference days away.
Excitement builds, but why, I do not know.
Friends, the island, a break.
Not writing.
In the days coming, bits appear.
Nature inspires some poetry.
At the conference, small pieces come.
Tiny texts. Whimsical musings.
Then today.
A hot shower.
An epiphany.
A deep sigh.
My well has been dry.
It's time to hydrate to refill.
I need to read and to listen
to experience and to read
and to feel and to read
During the SIWC, Megan Stielstra spoke about those what-the-hell-just-happened moments we all have. They are always worth exploring, even when we really don't want the answer.
What's your WTHJH moment? You can explore it in poetry, a narrative essay, a micro memoir (or a series of them), or even through a fictional character. It can be funny or gut-wrenching--or both. Whatever you choose, enjoy the journey of digging deeper, creating tunnels that lead you to unexplored places.
The Eagles. I have a bit if a love-hate relationship with their music. Radio stations have outplayed many of their timeless classics to the point that I wouldn't miss them if I never heard them again. Case in point, Hotel California. But others, I never get sick of, no matter how many times I hear them. Only one of their songs has the distinction of being in my iTunes library. Seven Bridges Road, which I just learned is a remake of a 1969 country song by a lesser known artist, Steve Young (no, not the retired NFL player). It's been recorded by Joan Baez, Rita Coolidge, and even Dolly Parton, but it was the 1980 Eagles version with full blown vocal harmonies that earned the song its wider fame. I read today, prior to recording the song, the Eagles used it for warm-up backstage before performing. The vocal harmonies helped them get their voices ready for the show. I also learned that the Seven Bridges Road is Woodley Road in Montgomery, Alabama, nicknamed as so because you guessed it, there were 7 bridges along the road. (Information gathered from Songplaces.com)
There are lots of videos available of the band singing this song. I found a great one from a concert earlier this month, but within Glenn Frye I had to choose an older one. Here is a brief one of the band warming up with the opening harmonies, back stage at a show in 1977.
Seven Bridges Road was inspiration for my piece of writing below...
Southern Sky
by Laurie J. Kemp
There are stars in the southern sky
pointing me back to my home
twinkling, brilliant they light the way
keeping me company as I go back
to the people and things, and places I love
There is moonlight, and moss in the trees
assuring me I am heading in the right direction
where the great heron soars and the white egret perches
There is a song I've been hearing on Bluegrass Junction called "Top of the Ridge" by Blue Highway. I have been thinking for a week now about it, and trying to figure out why I cannot get it out of my mind as the song I have to write about for this prompt.
Today answered the question. Synchronicity, of course.
Yesterday with my afternoon Reading students, we looked at a poem called "In My Dreams" by Francisco X. Alarcon. The poem is about the dream of animals and humans living together as one family. We talked about various parts of the poem, and then I gave brainstorming questions to my students to help them write their own "In My Dreams" poem. Very few of them could do this, seeming completely stymied and stalled, and I knew that I was going to have to approach this a new way. And it had to begin with me writing my own "In My Dreams" poem.
During my short meditation this morning, it connected together in my mind -- a place I can go in my dreams is the top of the ridge. It is about a day I have never forgotten in the summer of 1995 in North Carolina. A day that sticks in my memory for more reasons than I record here. But this was the crux of it.
See the photo above of me at the top of the ridge, in front of a tobacco field? I'm wearing a sunflower shirt that has the Emerson quote: Why on earth if not to grow? This was definitely my living motto throughout the 1990's. It enters into all I believe about life then and now. It connects to what happened that day in 1995.
Here is the poem I have written about my dream of being on the top of the ridge and all it can do for me. You will probably recognize common themes, as it seems to be my purpose in writing these days. I am grateful for this opportunity to share this story, as I've wanted for a long time to write about it in a way that honored the experience. I tried to drop in a few words from the "Top of the Ridge" song, and there is a similar theme. And, of course, I've included a video of the song. I hope you find it as beautiful as I do.
In My Dreams (Free Flowers)
Mid-summer Ashe County.
The journey feeling a bit rough
On the gravel road we take
To the top of the ridge.
On the way, twists and turns, up
and down,
Lilting voice of Alison Krauss
filling the car.
Christmas trees farms covering the
hills.
Orange and yellow tiger lilies
bordering the road.
Tobacco fields just getting
started.
July sun, some clouds overhead.
Jagged lines of Blue Ridge in the
distance.
Unusual and magical, in the middle
of nowhere,
Two children stand by the road,
angelic messengers;
Being an 80's kid, I heard Motley Crue on the radio regularly. While I wasn't a huge fan of most of their hard rock/metal hits, I do remember liking their ballads. And their hair.
After our closing on Friday, October 6th, John and I rushed home to meet the movers. They were running late of course, but at that point, it didn't matter. We were moving home--who cared if it was an hour later than anticipated? Filled with nervous energy, I taped up the few remaining open boxes while I waited. You're almost there, Annmarie, I assured myself.
The moving crew arrived, devised a plan, and got to work. One of the kids had music playing on his phone--a bunch of 80's and 90's rock that seemed too old for him, but I was ecstatic it wasn't some vile rap. I went about my business of cleaning what I could, not really paying attention to the songs, when John said, "That's the perfect song for today."
"What?" I answered.
"Listen," he said.
"...I'm coming off this Long and winding roadI'm on my wayI'm on my wayHome sweet home..."
I smiled at him. "It is perfect." So perfect, my eyes welled up with tears. I tried to make Orlando my home, found happiness by embracing my unhappiness and by exploring my creative side through writing and photography. I had almost convinced myself. And, then John came home with the news that he had a job offer back in Naples.
"We are going home," he said, the relief on his face conspicuous.
I tried not to show my jubilation at the news. I needed him to know I was excited without revealing just how miserable I had been over the past 4 months. He didn't need that guilt. And, quite frankly, I didn't even realize I felt that way because again, I had resolved to be happy. But, he wasn't fooled.
"My heart's like an open book For the whole world to read Sometimes nothing keeps me together At the seams..."
I actually had quite a few things holding me together, the most profound being the 12-week creative recovery program, the Artist's Way, that my wise and dear friend, Helen, had turned me onto months before. I bought the book while still in Fort Myers, but it sat. It sat as I spent nights alone watching re-runs on TV. Sat while I stress ate and drank. Sat until I was ready.
Once I reached Orlando, I found the book as I unpacked. I left it out as a reminder that I needed to start it. I'm not ready, I convinced myself.
But, I was. So, I cracked the book open after a couple of weeks and began my journey. The carefully designed steps and activities, along with the support I received from Helen as she repeated the program, saved me. I'm not exaggerating. It saved me.
"You know I'm a dreamer But my heart's of gold I had to run away high So I wouldn't come home low..."
Being a dreamer was always a problem for me. I was raised to be more realistic, to keep my head out of the clouds. TAW changed that. I learned it's OK to be a wishful thinker, to pursue creativity, to live my vision.
Okay, it doesn't actually have to be something you heard in a love song. It can be any song. Things have been pretty heavy lately, in Florida and everywhere. We are stymied by natural disasters, violence, the politicking, and the human suffering. I figured we could all use a little chance to lighten things up a bit. Of course, who am I to direct your writing path. My idea felt light and fun to me, but who knows in what direction it will take the rest of you. Either way, I hope you enjoy writing.
Recently, a song has been repeatedly surfacing in the random shuffle playlist on my phone. It's a tiny little piece of lyric begging for me to write something, either with it or in response to it. It's really nothing fancy, just a phrase that's strung together in a way that makes me smile when I hear it. It got me thinking... let's go back to song lyrics. We haven't worked with songs in awhile.
I have been trying to decide on buying some tickets to a concert lately. There are a few acts coming into town that interest me. One of them is The Marshall Tucker Band with Charlie Daniels Band. It'll probably be a great show, but I've decided against it because of the price and the venue. Anyway, I guess I have Marshall Tucker on my mind because this prompt is to write anything you want inspired by something you heard in a song- a love song, or any song. Use a lyric exactly, twist some of the words around for a found poem, find inspiration in a melody, or use a line as a story starter. Whatever you want. Just have a little fun with it. (You'll have to wait to see the one I'm using.)
