Invite to write #10 I Forgot

Think of a time that something huge slipped your mind.  A simple miscalculation or mistake that had calamitous results.  An unintentional oversight that had a serious impact on someone else.  The ultimate  My Bad. The trick is that you had no idea what dire implications your mishaps would create.

No $ For You

Response to Prompt: 9- No!
By Laurie J. Kemp

I've said no several times in my life- to family members who thought they knew better than I, to jobs I didn't want, and work situations when I had just had enough. But I suppose the biggest no, the one with potentially the biggest impact was this...

I have never had what I felt was an ideal body. Plagued with below average stature (I'm a whopping 5'2" on a good day),  way above average bust size, and quite a bit of junk in the trunk, even in my younger, fitter days I usually fell into the category of chubby. Weight would prove to be a struggle my whole life. I've gone up and down and back and forth with weight loss of a few pounds to as many as 45 pounds. I've been on Weight Watchers at least four times, two of which resulted in 20+ pounds weight loss. Though I have slowed down considerably, I've lived a relatively active lifestyle. I was an athlete as a kid, all the way up through high school, and I've gone in and out of various exercise bouts including a membership to the YMCA, 2 memberships to two different local gyms, Pilates DVDs, owning a treadmill, walking outside, biking, and yoga. And turning 40 (a couple of years ago), let me just tell you. It has done me in. My body seems to  have changed more since then, than it did after having a baby!

The second of said gym memberships was a little over a year ago, and I worked out consistently three to five days a week for eight months. I'm not sure I lost any weight because I wasn't weighing myself and my clothes didn't really feel any different. But I guess I wasn't gaining. I know the other health benefits to exercise, and I was feeling good about the regimen regardless of what my weight was. But something happened and I stopped. I went on a trip for work, disrupted my routine, and though I tried multiple times to get back in step, I just never did. I have fulfilled the year long contract, and I am no longer obligated to continue my membership. I'm leaning toward canceling. Follow me here, I'm getting to the reason why...

While I look in the mirror daily in disappointment, and see photos of myself indicating I'm a bit heavier than I'd like to be, people around me are jumping on weight loss programs. Diet supplements, special containers, plans that require fees and purchasing products. I'm just not into it. I know everything I need to know about losing weight. I know a lot about what it means to be healthy and the importance of eating right and getting enough exercise. I have had enough of paying other people for me to lose weight. I've put my foot down, and I'm saying NO!

I will not buy your shakes.

I will not pay for your plan.

I will not buy your products.

I will not pay YOU so that I can lose weight.

NO MORE.

What I will do is continue to try and phase in more healthy and phase out less healthy foods into my daily eating. I will try to do more of the exercise and activities I enjoy (such as biking and yoga). I will try to practice self-love in order to feed my healthy lifestyle and avoid self-loathing. I will try to curb my cravings for unhealthy things, but still allow myself an indulgence when I really want it.

I want to enjoy my life. And though I may appear to be what some would call out of shape, and though by appearance you might be led to believe I am lazy, I assure you I am not. If I am going to pay for anything, it will be for activities I enjoy for the sake of doing them like yoga and kayaking. I will forever be trying to improve my balanced eating and shed some unwanted pounds, but hell if I am going to pay someone else to get me to do it.

NO. NO. NO.

The Deadliest Sin

 My response to this prompt: http://trailbrazin.blogspot.com/2016/01/invitation-to-write-9-no.html

The Deadliest Sin

By Helen Sadler

I have struggled with this prompt. I cannot help but think of times I’ve said YES and how it helped my life.  I’ve been stretching to make something of this assignment.

Today I went to my guitar lesson feeling defeated and like I should quit.  It seems I spin my wheels in a variety of directions, and then end up nowhere.  I want to be better, but get consumed with work and other priorities and suddenly, I’m no further along.

But I went, and I’m glad I did – for more than one reason. 

The first is that I asked to learn more about structure, and what I learned helped make me feel more grounded in my knowledge of music and the instrument. And Tom told me that my tones on the guitar are better, and I have internalized things and can go right to them without hesitating.

I was so happy when I left that lesson, my eyes welled up with tears. 

And then the second reason surfaced. For some odd reason I thought of this story from my life, and knew immediately it was the story I had to write.

**

In 1984, I was working at a company called Freeman Manufacturing on the west side of Cleveland.  I was in my mid-late 20’s while working there, as many of the others were. I formed a pretty tight bond with a woman named Ginny.  We did a lot of things together, laughed at the same jokes, and encountered the same issues, such as the men in the company looking at our chests instead of our eyes when talking to us.  Our favorite line when we felt victory was I am woman, hear me roar.

But sometime in the summer of 1985, I felt the need to let my feelings known to Ginny about something regarding a man she was dating.  The details aren’t important – what is important is that my judgments and revelations were not helpful to our relationship.  In fact, it pretty much severed it.  I felt at the time that she just couldn’t “handle” what I had to say, and certainly I was right.

Fast forward a couple of months. Ginny asked to meet me one night after work for a drink. I went with my fur up, firm in my resolve. Turns out Ginny humbled herself to me, told me she missed our friendship and wanted it back. She had been hurt by what I said, but was willing to leave it behind.

I said no.

And what were my reasons? Certainly nothing of substance.  I just didn’t want to admit I was wrong about what I had said. I didn’t want to release my feeling of “rightness.”  It was more important than the friendship she was begging for.

We never regained our friendship.

But, about five years later, we ended up at a get together that had many of the people we worked with.  By then I had done a lot of spiritual study.  I had studied the need for forgiveness and the seven deadly sins.  I had read that pride was the deadliest sin. And given my experience, I knew exactly what that meant.

So I apologized to Ginny. I told her how wrong I had been back then.  We communicated for a while after that, but then lost touch.  Not for any negative reason – we just didn’t have the daily connection and frame of reference any more that people share when they work together.

I would like to say that I had learned my lesson. But I know that isn’t true. About six years later I would hold on to my pride again, this time losing two friendships. I had a chance to make that one right as well.

But I said no.

***

I was rather puzzled as to why this story surfaced completely out of the blue today. But I think it has something to do with the pride I carry around my musical life.  I was feeling like quitting because I can’t get good fast enough.

If that isn’t pride talking, I don’t know what is.

Again I remind myself that my struggles with the form and structure and tones and intricacies of the guitar are the same struggles my students go through with words and structures and tones and intricacies of writing.

Struggling to become a worthy guitar player means leaving my pride aside and doing the work. The same thing I ask my students, I must ask for myself.

I must not quit.

I must not say no.