"Art is the creative expression of the human spirit, and it cannot- it must not, for the sake of the human community- be limited to those few who achieve critical acclaim or financial reward." -Pat Schneider
This has been a difficult prompt for me. Originally I thought I would try to write in the voice of one of my students, one who is always yammering about how she is going to get back at people. But honestly, I don't know the lingo, so trying to write like her proved difficult. I thought about using a structure to see if that could help. I fell back on good old acrostic. Then I thought about the only time I think I have felt "sweet revenge," and that was turning my life around after leaving my first husband. So, like Annmarie, mine ended up being about my married life now, and how it has been the best revenge against a small life I was living before, that was mostly being planned by one. And not very well, may I add.
Remember how you shared your deepest wishes and he laughed, saying that is unlikely to
Ever happen, and you were crushed and believed him, not well-
Versed in being true to yourself, wanting approval, putting his thoughts as priority, as un-
Egalitarian as that sounds, it was the way you saw things, too scary to stand up to him, there was
No other way until that moment when there was a way, a word, a smile,
Giving you a new vision, a way to be, the courage to act, the space and grace to grow and
Evolve into this woman, this strong and artistic woman, who felt sweet revenge with every success on the realization of her dreams.
So we date for a couple months,
you think it's ok to make a move
your delicate ego shatters
when I turn you down.
You go find another girl
who will give you what you want. Fine by me, I say.
Have fun raising that baby you made.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
In the lunchroom, my girlfriends gang up on me,
warning me I'll be the only virgin to graduate
from Dunedin High. Fine by me, I say.
How'd your abortion go last week
I want to say to one,
ask the other how she got that bruise,
knowing damn well she won't leave;
she's convinced herself he loves her.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
I always trusted my gut,
it never steered me wrong.
You used me as your beard,
conveniently pledging your love
on prom night in your steamed up car.
You get pissed when I say no.
Throw it in reverse,
quickly drive me home.
I wasn't who or what you really wanted.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
High school is finally over.
What a relief.
I throw up my red cap,
say adios to this ridiculous place
children having children
girls with limited visions
of who they can become.
Held in chains by emotions
they have no ability to control.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
The next weekend, I'm introduced to a guy,
blind date, why not?
Three months later, he's not pressuring me yet.
But, I trusted my gut, I make a move.
Turns out he was who I was waiting for all along.
Thirty years later, none of that has changed.
How's that cheating husband?
How many times has he broken your heart?
You're already sizing up the next one,
starting the cycle again.
Good luck, my friend.
Go ahead and call me a tease,
what you were too stupid to see
I was never out to please anyone but me.
I know this was my prompt, but I've got to admit, one soundtrack for an entire life is simply not possible. At least it isn't for me. Soundtracks were born from two to three hour theater productions or movies. We're talking about hours, not years. The older I get, the harder this becomes!
I considered a double "album" or a box set. But I sort of felt like that was cheating. Instead, I acknowledged to myself that I would not be able to cover my life chronologically. It would just be too hard to reduce that down to a single album of songs. Then I thought, maybe two songs per decade I've been alive. That felt too forced. Maybe I would want more than one from one decade or none from another. Then I thought about special moments or stages in my life that I associate with certain songs. I was going in that direction when I was on the road for work and I heard a song on satellite radio that sparked a new idea. Live music. What follows is my own live album: You Haven't Heard it Until You've Heard it Live; LJK 1973- 2017 Things Can Only Get Betterby Howard Jones (concert 1985)
There are definitely some really annoying things about being the youngest, but having an older sister had its perks too. I was in 7th or 8th grade when my parents let me attend my first major concert in NYC. Nighttime in Manhattan as a pre-teen, made possible only because my big sis was going! My dad drove all four of us (my sister and her best friend, me and my best friend) from Long Island all the way into the city, and dropped us right at the door to see Howard Jones live at Radio City Music Hall. Man did I ever feel grown up! In full 80's swing, with teased out hair and a colorful suit fit with big shoulder pads of course, HoJo belted out his pop hits and played the keyboards as he famously did. No One is to Blame, Like to Get to Know You Well, all his synthesized 80's hits were awesome! I can still hear the crowd chanting when he stopped playing to solicit a response from his young, new-wavish-turned-pop fans. Wuh, wuh, woa.....woa, woa, woa... Things can only get better? I thought. Seriously, it gets better than this? Hey, I was 12. It seemed it couldn't get any better than this!
Abracadabraby Steve Miller Band (concert 1983?)
I will never forget how much my dad loved and still loves this song. His adoration spilled over to me, and I have three distinct memories about it. The first is how popular it was when I was in sleep away camp. The cassette was passed around like a hot commodity. Those sound effects... so 80's! The second is riding in the car with my dad. He did this a lot but I specifically remember this song. At a stop light he would release the break to bounce the car to the beat of a song. This one was his favorite. The third memory, the one that links it to my Live album, is at the Steve Miller band concert at Jones Beach on Long Island. I don't know the exact year (but song and album released in 1982), Technically this was my first live show, but I went with my dad, my stepmom, and my sister. The crowd went wild when they played Abracadabra. But the most famous memory of all, is me turning to my dad and saying, "What's that smell?" All night I complained about the funky odor. I'm sure you can figure it out. It's a running joke in my family now. Remember, I was only about 10. Shower the People by James Taylor
It was hard to narrow down just one JT song on my album because he's the artist I've seen live the most. But I made the decision to include only one song per artist and I was focusing specifically on the live memories. This by far blows the others away. As a kid I started listening to James Taylor via his Greatest Hits album, which might seem a bit mundane. He was popular among the counselors at my summer camp, which I attended from ages 6-10. It was from that album that I went back and started listening to the older ones, and following his new ones. But holy moly, nothing on any of his albums sounded as amazing as it did live. And when he released the double live album, James Taylor (Live) in 1993, I finally had a recording of what I had experienced each time I went to one of his shows. Shower the People, with the solo from one of his back-up singers, Arnold McCuller would knock anyone's socks off. And as with most live recordings, as good as they can be, they pale in comparison to being there. This is by far one of my favorite live songs ever recorded. You must check it out. And by the way, I danced with my dad to this song (the studio version) at my wedding.
Vienna by Billy Joel
The only artist I've come close to seeing as many times as James Taylor is Billy Joel. It's hard to grow up on Long Island and not become a huge Billy Joel fan! Few of even his overplayed songs will prompt me to change the radio station. They are all ingrained in my memory like little stories. I have so many memories attached to so many of his songs. The Glass Houses album is part of the soundtrack of my childhood. But live, I have a recent and fond memory of the song Vienna. It wasn't one of the biggest commercial hits, and it was rarely if ever played on the radio. But my sophomore year of high school, the captain of our cheerleading squad loved to play it during the cool down after our workout. That was when I really started to become familiar with it. Then a few years back, Sirus did a temporary Billy Joel satellite radio station. In between song sets, they would play back interview bits with Billy and he told the story behind this song. It sat with me ever since. I couldn't find the actual interview, but here is an article that tells about it. The reason it made my live album is because two years ago, my husband, son, and I went to see Billy Joel Live on New Years Eve in Orlando. The show was so much fun, it was like we were in a jam session in his living room. He was laid back and hosting his version of a NYE bash. Several of the songs he played by audience choice. He would pick two songs, solicit applause, and whichever one had louder cheers, that's what he played. I was thrilled when the audience around me was as excited as I was for him to play Vienna, which was the first time I ever heard it live in concert, though I had seen him more than 5 times. I don't even remember which song it beat out to get played, but it sounded fantastic!
When I See You Smile by Bad English
Ever heard of this band? Can't say I'd be surprised if you hadn't. Babys (yes, they spelled it wrong) front man- turned soloist John Waite got together with some of his old bandmates and one of the guys from Journey, and formed this two-album (three if you count Greatest Hits-seriously?) hair band. Their power ballad When I See You Smile, became one of "our songs" in high school. Paul and I were full-fledged metal heads, and there was no way we'd miss this concert when they came to town. We had this great concert venue, the Sunrise Musical Theater. It was just big enough to be a legit venue, but small enough there were no bad seats in the house. It only sat a little over 3,500. Paul and I held hands and looked longingly into each other's eyes as if the band was performing just for us, sap-py! It was a school night, and we had permission to be out late specifically because of the concert. Cheesy as it is, I remember pulling over by a park on the way home and fogging up the windows. Big time. Sadly, in 2002 Sunrise Musical Theater became a church. Boo. Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden
It makes me sad to even talk about Soundgarden since frontman Chris Cornell suicided this past year. His voice was the best in 90's alternative rock, hands down. We saw them in Mesa, Arizona one year when we were on a family trip for Thanksgiving. Can't really tell you why this song specifically, except it showed off his voice. I remember Mesa was (probably still is) a tobacco free city. It was actually illegal to smoke in the city, and I thought that was pretty cool. It was even cooler (sorry, not sorry) that Chris and the other band members said "Fuck it," we'll pay the fine. They smoked on stage and performed the hell out of their songs. Sadly, even though they put out a great album a couple of years ago, I will never see them live again because Chris died. This video doesn't do it justice.
Sin Wagon by The Dixie Chicks
I've seen the Chicks twice and this is my favorite song of theirs live. Honky tonkin', knee slapping' jam! There's really not much more to say. Their voices, their musicianship, the lyrics. Live concert perfection. And of course, the second time I saw them was with my girls. It was a Trailbrazen trip to remember! I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty
My husband and I were talking just the other day about how sad we still feel about TP's death each time we hear one of his songs. He's on our iPods and the radio. He's still everywhere. What I remember about his performance of I Won't Back Down, the first time I saw him at the West Palm Beach Amphitheater, was when he shared how he felt about the music industry at the time. Unlike every other concert in the venue (and every other venue), he had no commercial sponsors for that tour. He believed the music and the tour should speak for itself. He wanted his tickets to be affordable to the fans, and they were. We sat back on the lawn and listened to him lead right into I Won't Back Down. I am so going to miss being able to hear new music from Tom Petty. You've Got a Friend by Carole King & James Taylor
I know I said I would only have one song per artist, but this doesn't count. As huge of a fan as I am of James Taylor and even Carole King, I have gotten to where I don't even enjoy hearing this widely overplayed song anymore. When it pops up on a mix, I skip it. When it comes on the radio, I change it. But in 2010, this pair of BFF's went on tour together to promote their Live at the Troubadour tour. It was absolutely magnificent. Nothing beats these two singing the quintessential song about friendship and meaning it. It was so touching and absolutely beautiful. That concert was something else! I had never seen Carole King live before and of course it added a new layer to seeing JT live. Love.
Somebody Bring Me Some Water by Melissa Ethridge
Mad respect for this woman. I was never a huge fan, but I enjoyed hearing her music on the radio. So I was pleased when I found out she was opening for the Eagles Hell Freezes Over concert we had tickets for at Joe Robbie Stadium. Man can she belt it out! This song was outstanding, and it made me an instant fan. She has since sung it in duet with Joan Osbourne. Fantastic! Song and Emotion by Tesla
Tesla is still my favorite rock band of all time. And this song is beautiful and emotional performed live. When Tesla first started out, they toured as an opening band with Def Leppard who had already hit big. The guys in the two bands became very good friends and they spent a lot time together. on the road, forming a lifelong friendship. In 1991, the guys from Tesla wrote this song as a tribute to Steve Clark, the Def Leppard lead guitarist and songwriter who died of alcohol poisoning. The crowd goes wild for the song, raised lighters and all. You can always hear the fans singing. The song starts ballad-like and pays tribute to Clark by breaking into some heavy guitar riffs. It's classic Tesla, and it's endearing to know there is a rockstar brotherhood, a real friendship. Jeff Keith, Tesla's lead singer, always looks a bit choked up. Rockin' In the Free World by Neil Young, performed by Pearl Jam
Not much of a Neil Young fan. But this song has the best memory attached to it. One of the most bad-ass concerts I ever attended was the 1993 Pearl Jam Vs. tour. Vs. was the follow up to the band's debut album Ten, and it did not disappoint. I was in college, and my sister Jen, my husband Paul and his friend Matt, and I all went down to the Bayfront Amphitheater in Miami. It was a steamy hot night, and the venue was completely outdoors. I can't believe I remember this, but The Screaming Trees opened up for Pearl Jam. People were lined up waiting to be let into the amphitheater, which was completely visible to us from outside the turnstiles where we were being held back. Everyone wanted in. It was the 90's grunge scene. People were moody and anxious. The Trees started playing, and the crowd outside the gate got angry because the show was starting and we hadn't been let in yet. Fans were screaming and waving their fists in the air. I got a little scared when the entire crowd started rocking forward and back, trying to gain enough momentum to push through the gate. Teenagers and young twenty-somethings were laying face down on the ground along the fence, zip-tied at the wrists by the police. At 5' 2" I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold myself up against the momentum. Paul cradled my space with stiff ballroom dancing-like arms, trying to keep any human weight off me. We managed to stay on our feet. Finally, they opened the gate and people poured in like floodwaters. By now Pearl Jam was coming out on stage, and it started to rain. Two helicopters were circling above us shining search spotlights down and around the crowd. Eddie Vedder grumbled something we could barely hear, but it was angry. And the band started to play. Now nighttime, it was dark and in the spotlights shining down from the helicopters, you could see the pouring rain. Fans were screaming, and Eddie and company started singing this song. It was a message in support of the angry fans, and directed at "the man." Keep on rocking in the free world.... and we did. It was absolutely exhilarating!
Revenge. The most noble of us have wanted to seek it at some point, even if we never acted upon that urge. Listening to "Thunder" by Imagine Dragons, I realized it is a revenge song of sorts (see the full lyrics here):
Kids were laughing in my classes While I was scheming for the masses Who do you think you are? Dreaming 'bout being a big star They say you're basic, they say you're easy You're always riding in the backseat Now I'm smiling from the stage While you were clapping in the nose bleeds
Being one of those on the outskirts in middle and high school, I can totally relate.
Maybe you've wanted to seek sweet revenge on a man who wronged you. A co-worker whose screwed you over. Those in power who think they're untouchable.
I know we are all peace-loving people in this group, but I thought it would be a fun challenge to write our own revenge lyrics. A story or fable would work too. As always, the form is up for grabs, but think about who or what you'd love recriminate and let some wicked humor come through. As Edward Buller-Lytton said, "The pen is mightier than the sword."
When I originally started this piece, it was going to be an explanation on how I don't quite know how to have fun with music--how all the songs I really love are meaningful and speak to me on some deep level. Blah, blah, blah. It fit in with the parameters of the prompt, but the idea was to have fun with it. And, admittedly, I haven't exactly been a barrel of monkeys lately. I need to pause the cassette. Rewind. Re-record.
And then, it hit me: I can have fun with this prompt. I went through adolescence during the 80's, so why not highlight some of the one-hit wonders that define my life?
Disclaimer: These are definitely not my favorite songs. In fact, I hate some of them.
August, 1981. I was just starting 7th grade. We had just recently gotten cable TV, a huge step up from the 4-5 channels we watched previously, and a huge step for my family. TV was not a big part of our lives, and our parents choosing to pay for more channels felt like a Christmas miracle. MTV premiered with "Video Killed the Radio Star," ironically signaling the dawn of a whole new era. To me, the lyrics seem to lament the dying off of old traditions in music. In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind, we've gone too far. Pictures came and broke your heart. Put down the blame on VCR. Music became dependent on visuals--visuals that competed for our attention, our listening skills taking some serious hits.
1982. "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo came out. Besides the lead singer being a hottie with crazy hair, the lyrics seemed to speak my language. I was a super shy (yes, it is true) and socially awkward middle school student. So shy in fact, I got accused of being stuck up. What? I was dying inside every time one of the popular girls tried to talk to me, a courtesy only extended because my new friend Julie was part of their crew. My naivety kept me from understanding what the song was really about--a guy trying to get an uptight virgin to have sex with him. Ok. Maybe it was about me--I just had no idea. Zero. If clues were posted at every corner with blinking lights, I wouldn't have seen the signs.
Fast forward to 1986: I am a junior in high school. I worked so hard, but I wasn't exactly setting the world on fire. Slightly above average and one of the hardest workers in class, my teachers loved me. In fact, my Chemistry I teacher didn't have the heart to give me the "F" he should have because I had worked so hard in his class. I just didn't get it. That would be my first "D," a heartbreaker for sure. I had never gotten a "D." I think I may have only had one "C" before that. Cue "Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades," a wildly misinterpreted song. It wasn't speaking about the optimistic future of a high school student like we all thought. It was really a statement on what life would look like after a nuclear holocaust. I had always been preoccupied with the end of the world thanks to my doom and gloom religious upbringing, but now the threat seemed very real. Was my future bright? It didn't exactly seem so at the time.
In 1987, "Heart and Soul" was my favorite song. Never mind it was speaking to something I hadn't experienced quite yet. But, I met John--now my husband--that year, the weekend after graduation to be exact, and I had stars in my eyes. Walking on water, walking on air. Yep. That was me. Smitten, and for the first time thinking I found "the one." My instincts turned out to be correct.
1988, mid-way through my freshman year in college, Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians release "What I Am." I'm not aware of too many things, I know what I know if you know what I mean. I was finally realizing how naive I was. I was exposed to alternative lifestyles--met an openly gay woman who was in my Interdisciplinary Studies class, a real life adult who had tried to live life in a box she didn't fit in, putting on a good show during her marriage. I remember her coming out on campus was a huge deal. I will admit I was uncomfortable with it. My world was so tiny, so narrow-minded, so confined to my parents' strict belief system. Then, I was assigned to a group project, and she--Linda was her name--was one of the members. Hearing her story changed my life. She deserves to be happy, to be who she is, I remember thinking. This was first taste of thinking outside of the way I was raised. Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks; religion is a light in the fog. Was everything I had been taught wrong? Or if not wrong, too shallow? I felt the need to seek answers for myself, question things I never felt allowed to question before.
But, when it comes down to it, as I look back on my life, there is one song from 1986 that could be the theme song for my life: "Break Out" by Swing Sister. It's upbeat and super catchy, but don't let that fool you. The lyrics have some deep meaning, at least for me.
When explanations make no sense, When every answer's wrong, You're fighting with lost confidence, All expectations gone. The time has come to make or break; Move on, don't hesitate. Breakout, don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. When situations never change, Tomorrow looks unsure, Don't leave your destiny to chance. What are you waiting for? The time has come to make or break. Breakout, don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Breakout, don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Some people stop at nothing. If you're searching for something, Lay down the law, shout out for more. Breakout and shout day in and day out; Breakout, don't stop to ask' Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout. Don't stop to ask; Now you've found a break to make it last. You've got to find a way, Say what you want to say; breakout.
I am still finding ways to say what I want to say, still fighting with the things that hold me back. The fear of disappointing people, or worse, upsetting them. I am still breaking out.
