Home Sweet Home

Prompt #28 "Heard It in a Love Song"

Being an 80's kid, I heard Motley Crue on the radio regularly. While I wasn't a huge fan of most of their hard rock/metal hits, I do remember liking their ballads. And their hair.

After our closing on Friday, October 6th, John and I rushed home to meet the movers. They were running late of course, but at that point, it didn't matter. We were moving home--who cared if it was an hour later than anticipated? Filled with nervous energy, I taped up the few remaining open boxes while I waited. You're almost there, Annmarie, I assured myself.

The moving crew arrived, devised a plan, and got to work. One of the kids had music playing on his phone--a bunch of 80's and 90's rock that seemed too old for him, but I was ecstatic it wasn't some vile rap. I went about my business of cleaning what I could, not really paying attention to the songs, when John said, "That's the perfect song for today."

"What?" I answered.

"Listen," he said.

"...I'm coming off this
Long and winding roadI'm on my wayI'm on my wayHome sweet home..."

I smiled at him. "It is perfect." So perfect, my eyes welled up with tears. I tried to make Orlando my home, found happiness by embracing my unhappiness and by exploring my creative side through writing and photography. I had almost convinced myself. And, then John came home with the news that he had a job offer back in Naples.

"We are going home," he said, the relief on his face conspicuous.

I tried not to show my jubilation at the news. I needed him to know I was excited without revealing just how miserable I had been over the past 4 months. He didn't need that guilt. And, quite frankly, I didn't even realize I felt that way because again, I had resolved to be happy.  But, he wasn't fooled.

"My heart's like an open book 
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing keeps me together 
At the seams..."

I actually had quite a few things holding me together, the most profound being the 12-week creative recovery program, the Artist's Way, that my wise and dear friend, Helen, had turned me onto months before.  I bought the book while still in Fort Myers, but it sat. It sat as I spent nights alone watching re-runs on TV. Sat while I stress ate and drank. Sat until I was ready.

Once I reached Orlando, I found the book as I unpacked. I left it out as a reminder that I needed to start it. I'm not ready, I convinced myself.

But, I was. So, I cracked the book open after a couple of weeks and began my journey.  The carefully designed steps and activities, along with the support I received from Helen as she repeated the program, saved me. I'm not exaggerating. It saved me.

"You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn't come home low..."

Being a dreamer was always a problem for me. I was raised to be more realistic, to keep my head out of the clouds. TAW changed that. I learned it's OK to be a wishful thinker, to pursue creativity, to live my vision.

"I'm on my way
Just set me free
Home sweet home."

Listen to it/watch it here.