"Art is the creative expression of the human spirit, and it cannot- it must not, for the sake of the human community- be limited to those few who achieve critical acclaim or financial reward." -Pat Schneider
I was struggling with inspiration for our next prompt--my brain full, my creativity and energy spent by Saturday morning. Since John was golfing, I set to getting some menial tasks such as food prepping, laundry, and light cleaning accomplished, hoping inspiration would strike while I was not forcing it.
It almost did. In fact, I might save one idea (comedy of errors) for later. But, somehow it didn't sit right for now.
I almost gave into the couch and re-runs of The Office, but I knew this wasn't the best strategy for productive thinking. Instead, I slipped on a swimsuit and headed toward the pool with a book I started a while back and pretty much deserted. It's a nonfiction on memory by Lisa Genova, the author of Still Alice and Left Neglected (highly recommend this one) called Remember: The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting. I have long been fascinated with neuroscience and love when someone can deliver the specifics in a accessible way.
I knew I needed some outdoors time--the warmth of the sun, the sound of the birds, the breeze making the palm fronds dance. I also knew reading in that setting without the distractions of my to-do list would be my best bet for inspiration. And, I was right.
Ideas started flowing when Genova explained episodic memory, "the history of you, remembered by you," (Genova, 2021, p. 78). I jotted down the idea and marked the page number. Then, I got to the next page where she discussed a specific type of episodic memory: flashbulb memory. Ding, ding, ding! I had my winner.
Flashbulb memories, according to Genova, are activated by strong emotion and surprise--highly unexpected and registered in your brain as extremely significant (Genova, 2021). These differ from photographic memories but do have some of the characteristics such as the retention of vivid details (Genova, 2021).
Finally, the prompt: Search your catalog of memories for a flashbulb memory. Remember, they will be easy to find as they stand out from run-of-the-mill memories. Use this memory however you wish to create your piece--it could be really cool song lyrics, a micro memoir, an autobiographical or fictional short story, a poem, or for a challenge, a combination of genres.
Try not to rely on journals to jog a memory, and don't worry if you've written on the subject before. The goal is to find the most emotionally charged and vivid memory that comes to mind and spin it into writing that captures that moment so others can share in it.
Twenty dollars. She had her long locks tied up in a messy bun, a baby on her hip, and a twenty dollar bill in her back pocket. The auto slide doors opened and she inhaled a waft of fresh sweet baked goods in the air as she stepped inside. How in the world would she feed her little family of three for a week on twenty bucks? It's not that she was unhappy, or even that she had no one to turn to for help. But she was an adult now. A wife. Most importantly, a mom. She would figure this one out on her own. Seventy-nine cent boxes of spaghetti go a long way when you need formula and cereal for a healthy growing baby. And a half a pound of chicken can last several meals if you cut it up small and toss it with said spaghetti. Time, place, priorities. Everything is relative. I haven't had spaghetti in almost 5 years.
I was in charge of the prompt this time around, and I proposed
the idea of using the first line of a song to get started on a piece of
writing. I was fairly certain a line would jump out at me, and I’d be off and
running.
It wasn’t happening.
By Saturday morning of this Labor Day weekend, weeks after
initiating the idea, I had decided just to choose something and work with it. I
wasn’t totally satisfied with the approach, but I knew I could make it work.
Late morning found me meeting up with my friend Annmarie at
an art exhibit and then having lunch together. Annmarie has a new position and
has worked very hard on getting her health back after a tough time period. We
had a long discussion about all aspects of what makes health and wellbeing. As
usual, I enjoyed her company immensely.
Yet when I left I felt uneasy, and I didn’t know why. I knew
it didn’t have to do with our different directions in life – I am where I am
purposefully and gladly. Still something didn’t feel quite right.
I was driving down MacGregor Boulevard listening to Tom
Petty Radio, pondering this tired and distracted feeling. Marty Stuart was being
a guest DJ and was playing some of his favorite Petty songs. He ended the show
with his version of “Fault Lines,” which was on Tom Petty’s 2014 album Hypnotic Eye.
As soon as the song came on and I heard the opening lines, I
knew I had my prompt:
See those fault lines
Lay down like land
mines
It’s hard to relax
Now I just had to figure out what it meant.
II.
The idea of fault lines kept drifting through my mind on
Sunday. I looked up definitions and images. I couldn’t quite make it personal.
I mostly was thinking about the fault lines I see in our democracy, but I knew
I didn’t want to write about that. I knew this still uncertain feeling was
signaling something, but I just didn’t know what.
That day I noticed on Good Reads that a friend of mine
listed that she was reading Amy Poehler’s book Yes, Please. I read it back in 2015, and was so inspired by one
section in her book that I wrote a blog post about it. This post, called
“Career as Chocolate Cake for Breakfast” has been one I’ve revisited many
times. I thought, hmmm, maybe I’ll share my post with Susan.
But when I read it, it felt rather foreign to me. Almost
unrelatable. Even a little embarrassing.And I had no idea why. I thought to myself, This blog post always has inspired me. Why is it making me feel weird?
I since have figured it out. It was revealing my fault
lines.
III.
Late Sunday afternoon, I had a moment when everything became
clear. Once again, I have shifted myself into doing too many things that don’t
matter, and not enough of what does. Over a glass of wine and some serious
journaling, I made note of the things I just don’t have time for anymore, with the
idea of opening up time for my creativity. It felt great to make this start.
Monday morning I revisited the ideas I had written the night
before, and I reflected on “Career as Chocolate Cake for Breakfast.”The post had detailed how I switched to
middle school to have more time for my creative life.It explained how my creativity was to be my priority from
here on out.
This was the fault line. I wasn’t doing it. And I wasn’t
relaxing into the way things were because I could sense it was like a landmine
– one that could blow up on me if I didn’t reset.
There have been many times in my life I have done the same
thing, and have had to turn things around, make adjustments, and take a new
direction. I am not sure why I create these fault lines around me, only to have
to have to fix them, but I do. I guess it is because I am a dabbler and I try
lots of new things.
But in this case, my writing life has suffered. I’ve known
for a long time it was suffering, and I’ve made some minor adjustments. But it
wasn’t enough to make room for real creativity. I just have not focused enough
on making where the true problem lie.
This is why my time with Annmarie prompted this change. She
had taken charge of what she needed – her wellness – and it was serving her. I
sensed it and knew that there was something I, too, needed to address.
IV.
As I mentioned earlier, on Saturday morning I had found some
opening lyrics I was going to use. They were from a song called “You and Me
Now” by the Record Company.
Sun beaming through
the door
I’m lying on the floor
These words remind me that I need to keep in touch with the
light inside me --the creative force-- and I need to stay grounded enough in my
practice to recognize when I’m opening a new fault line.The chorus of this particular song is All we have is now. Everything I do in the present needs to serve me.
My aim is to hang on to this truth as long as I can, move
forward on my creative life, be patient with myself as I make the right
changes, and mostly, enjoy the journey 100%.
"Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, that's life." The Verve
I haven't heard this song in a while, but when it came on the radio on my way to the gym, I knew it was my inspiration. It's one of those go-to songs for me, something that always resonates no matter my mood or current situation. The lines in italics are taken from the lyrics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's Life
That's life.
One of my dad's favorite lines when I questioned things or lodged a complaint.
It always seemed to me there was more to it than that.
And now that I am grown,
I know I was on the right road,
the one that leads to the place where all the veins meet.
Yes, life can be hard,
it can even be unfair.
Yet I prefer to view it as a bittersweet symphony,
a long and intricate composition of sights, sounds, events, emotions,
all blending seamlessly to create something pleasurable,
even if it is tinged with occasional unpleasantries.
That's life is a cop-out,
a way to shirk responsibility for your own fate.
Life isn't arbitrary.
It requires careful thought, reason, principles.
That's life is fool's gold,
meant to trick the untrained eye into accepting a narrow world view.
