Interiors

Response to Writing Retreat Prompt

Interiors

By Helen Sadler

Part I  “Holiday (The Picnic)”

Please help me I’m falling into another garden of despair.

She feels bored.

Please help me find a new way.

She cannot stand small talk.

Please take me away from this place.

She doesn’t see the invisible people.

Please stop insisting I be who I’m not.

She isn’t aware of the deep pond behind her.

Please stop flirting, smoking, drinking tea.

She thinks there most be more.

Please help me I’m falling into another garden of despair.

She needs a new home.

Please help me stop doing this to myself.

She needs a new direction.

Part II “Elsewhere, Mon Amour”

If you find yourself lost, dig

Why do I keep being pulled to

this word LOST?

I really do not feel

LOST.

I feel   drained (a bit)

            tired (a bit)

            unmotivated (a lot)

            unable (no will)

            un-hungry (unless I’m ravenous)

            disconnected (from music)

So…I guess this is to say

I’ve LOST some part of me

An energized part of me

that no longer seems to exist.

Maybe this is why I keep feeling

a connection to the word LOST.

I have lost something

some vital part of me.

I don’t know where it is

But it must be somewhere, right?

Part III Reflection on Retreat

I came home from the retreat and soon I could see that the art card reflected me. The Nick Flynn poem that morning provided the right words to help me express this.  I wanted to feel alive and happy and ready for anything with my writing partners that weekend. Instead, I was sluggish and struggling and simply not in the right frame of mind. So much like the lady I imagine at the picnic.  So much like the title of Nick’s poem – Elsewhere.

This was March 26.  I knew from then on that I had to dig.  I had to find what I lost.

Finally, several days into spring break, I had a breakthrough.  Finally I found why I was being dragged.  I had to yell at my disease to get things to turn around.  I had to acknowledge the power the Second Chakra has in my life – has always had in my life – has always sent warnings when things aren’t quite right.

Writing retreat. Writing partners. Writers. They are everything.

They have led me to the answers for me.  Honoring relationships.  Acknowledging polarities. Spiritual balance. Color. Art. Nature.

It’s all far from perfect, but the found energy is enough to provide direction and sustenance while I make the changes I need to make.

I know I had to do a lot of digging. But with everything in place, it was easier to find than I imagined it would be.

Part IV  Promise

Promise yourself you will no longer bottle energy into your second chakra, causing so much discomfort.

Remember there is great power inside of you that can be turned with true awareness, clarity.

Open to it. Acknowledge where the shadows have dwelled. See them. Then bid them goodbye.

Move forward with expression and dedication to your physical body, communion with all.

Invest in yourself; relationships, gentleness, peacefulness, creativity, internal power.

Safe now in a protected spot, accepting the manna that is yours, nourishing and fulfilling the promise of life.

Engage in this deep knowing.

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Thank you:

James Tissot for your art

Nick Flynn for your poetry and memoirs

Caroline Myss for Anatomy of the Spirit (it has saved me many times)

David Whyte “Finisterre” – a poem that keeps giving

Melinda at Pampered Soul

Kat Duff for a body wisdom workshop from 1994 that led me into a process

Trail Brazen Writing Circle: Laurie, Annmarie, Dana, Randi