I've sat on this prompt for quite some time, not because I've struggled with it but really just the opposite. I love music. So. So. Much. Any time I have the opportunity to go down a thematic exploration through music, I relish every minute. Every lyrical minute.
Instinctively, I think I knew from the start I'd end up here, at least emotionally. What I didn't know was that I would be inspired to write fiction, a bit of a rarity in my writing collection. Perhaps I was inspired by Natalie's brilliant piece. Maybe it was the music or my own experiences. Maybe it was all of these things.
I began with a journey in line with some of the songs mentioned in the prompt post. Who doesn't think of Willie's Nelson's "On the Road Again" or Tom Cochrane's, "Life is a Highway" (the latter of which was pretty much ruined by Rascal Flats and the Cars movie, if you ask me) when they think of open road traveling by car? But we all have our own memories of the soundtracks behind our personal road trips. I have written about a couple of mine already in past posts on this and my personal blogs. Road-tripping with my mom and sister from New York to Florida when we moved here, an almost fatal car accident I experienced in college on a road trip with some friends... and I found myself focusing more on the everyday road songs.
There are lots of driving or road songs in my music library, so many of them country songs I haven't listened to in quite some time. There is great movie magic in these for me. I find myself going to these places, riding along with the singers, almost in a daydream with them. You know those cheesy montage scenes in old TV shows and soap operas, the ones when the character is off in their daydreams reliving moments or creating fantasies. That's kind of what happens to me. Take for instance "Who Wouldn't Want to Be Me?" by Keith Urban:
The sun in shining
this road is winding
through the prettiest country
from Georgia to Tennessee
I got the one I love beside me
My troubles behind me
I'm alive and I'm free
Who wouldn't wanna be me
There there's "Summertime" by Kenny Chesney:
It's two bare feet on the dashboard
young love in an old Ford
cheap shades and a tattoo
and a Yoo-Hoo bottle on the floorboards
Man I could just imagine riding down the highway during summer in an old car with my feet up and the windows open. As I continued to scroll I got into the James Taylor songs too, like "Country Road"
Take to the highway
won't you lend me your name...
But most of these songs were as much about place and time, as they were about the road trip. And then I got to "Free"by ZBB. This song is really about the journey. Or is it? It starts that way.
So we live out in our old van
travel all across this land
me and you...
...We'll drive until the city lights
dissolve into a country sky (don't you just love this line?)
just me and you..
But it too, is about time and place and love.
No we don't have a lot of money
No we don't have a lot of money
All we need is love...
It's really just about romanticizing the freedom in having love and no money, and being ok with that. Nothing wrong with the sentiment, but I don't think the song is really about the freedom of the road as much as it is about the freedom of and from jobs and money and the responsibilities that come with them; the sunny side of having no money but "at least we have each other."
And as I scrolled through my music, and I got from F to H, I came to another ZBB song, "Highway 20 Ride." I thought this is a really different kind of road song. It's a bit of a painful one, the kind that comes from the thoughts of anguish that can haunt a lonely driver on the open road. And it led me here. I've shared the video rather than the lyrics, because as with most songs, the power comes from hearing the music and the lyrics together. You can read what Zac's co-writer says about the song here.
Long Drive
It was Friday night. A mixed blessing of sorts. Two days off and time with Justin, but the drive across Georgia gave Mark plenty of time on the open road to remind him of how far away he was, and why. He loved his little boy but couldn't help but wonder how different things would be if he didn't have to settle for weekends once a month. It had been two years since he and Jessie split up, and Justin was almost five now. At this age they changed so quickly, and each time he climbed into his truck to make the trip, he wondered hopelessly if this would be the month Justin didn't want to see him, or heaven forbid didn't recognize him. This wasn't the way he imagined fatherhood would be. Once a month just isn't enough.
He stopped at Race Trac to fill up the truck and grabbed a bag of gummy bears, Justin's favorite. He never showed up without them. It was one of those seemingly inconsequential things, but to Mark it was important. It was his way of showing Justin he never forgets. He plugged in his phone, cued up his iTunes, and he was off. This time of year he was lucky if he could make it all the way to Justin by dark. It was a lonely ride, but not as lonely as the ride home on Sunday.
The open road might seem freeing to some. But the highway drive gave Mark too much time in his own head. He wasn't the one who set the series of events in motion, but ultimately he was the one who chose to leave. And he spent these rides beating himself up over how things could have been different. What did I do to drive her away? It was easy to talk shit about her around the guys. She was the one who stepped out. She was the "whore" who cheated. But he was haunted. When he was alone, all he could think is why?
And then he'd think about Justin and how much he missed his little boy. How much he wanted to be there to help him with his homework and to coach little league. Maybe he should have given Jessie another chance, forgiven her. She begged him to stay. Tried to make him understand. Promised it would never happen again. It was just so hard to trust her. It hurt. It still does. But Justin doesn't know that. He doesn't understand. All he knows is Daddy got a job far away, and he can't be there all the time. Even Mark wasn't buying the charade anymore.
Maybe it was time to talk it out with Jessie. Maybe two years was time enough to heal. He hadn't been in any lasting relationships since they split up. A couple of dates, a meaningless screw or two. He had to find a way to fill in the time, but nothing was working. There was just something about Jessie. She was the love of his life and the mother of his precious little boy.
He was distracted by memories of the three of them together, and his mind started to wander. He was almost smiling when the old geezer behind him passed him on the right, honking and giving him the finger. "Screw you, buddy!" he yelled out loud to the old guy before flooring it to bring his speed back up enough to cruise in the fast lane. Every song had a memory, every memory brought back the emotion, and his heart felt full. But he was probably kidding himself. Who is to say she would even want to get back together. So much time had passed.
"Whatever It Is" began to play as he passed Columbus, the halfway point. Somehow with all the cleaning out- the dumping of photos from his phone, the boxes thrown into storage- he just couldn't delete this song. As painful as it was to hear, it was the kind of pain that almost felt right. The kind that reminds you of how good it once was so you can hold onto a little bit of that joy for a few minutes now and then. Sometimes he skipped it when he wasn't feeling strong enough. Mostly he just let it play, especially on these long drives.
Mark allowed himself the three minutes and twenty-eight seconds of the song to take him to the place that hurts so good, as they say. When it was over, he decided that's it. No more. The relationship is over, and he didn't want to go back. If nothing else, he and Jessie were meant to be together for a moment in time so Justin could be born. Soulmates with the purpose of bringing this very special human being into the world...
Worth every minute of the long and lonely drive
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