Writer's block feels like...procrastination
Years and years of thinking about (and doing very little) writing has brought me to this lovely place where I write on a fairly regular basis.
I know how to fill the well. I know how to find inspiration. I have means of sharing.
I have no designs on publishing a great novel, or even a collection of short stories.
I write for my own pleasure.
Yet...there is room for improvement!
In 2013 we began this writing group. At the time I was leaving high school teaching for a more desirable work schedule. At the same time I was quitting a second job. I felt the world was opening up and my creativity would soar.
And, frankly, I have accomplished a lot. In particular, a daily blog in 2015 and a school year project of writing a poem for every one of my 135 students. I've written short stories and too many poems to count. I've experimented with tons of forms, and gained a great deal of knowledge by attending the Sanibel Island Writer's Conference. All good.
So...you may be thinking, where lies this so-called procrastination?
I have three things that I want to move forward on, but something stops me. Or, I set a goal and take some steps, but never quite finish.
The first is a story I outlined in June 2013 while floating in my sister's pool when they were out of town. It's working title is "Summer Rain." Sometimes I think it is a story. Sometimes I think it's a novel. I've never written a word of it.
The second is what is now called "Invincible." It began in the spring of 2014 when I saw two girls playing with a horseshoe crab at the beach. I decided it was a story, and I was going to attempt episodic fiction. Procrastination fiction is more like it! I had at one point built this story into a novel in my mind, and then last summer I moved it back to an episodic story. I even realized a new ending in July and spent some time on it. In my memory I got farther along on it than I actually did. I looked at it yesterday and realized I have not even gotten to the part that is going to inspire the ending. There it sits.
The third is the "Wing and the Wheel" story I drafted a good portion of during spring break 2018. This one I hit a brick wall on when I realized that the structure I was using probably wasn't going to work. Through my reading I found a way to approach it that might work, but have never gone back to even begin to figure it out. There it sits.
I calm myself by thinking some of the following thoughts, all which I think have some validity, but also can be overcome:
1. I get to know my characters because I'm "living" with them. But do I need to live with them THAT long?
2. Some things just need the space to grow into what they are to be. I'm good at allowing that, which is a positive thing.
3. Teaching gobbles up so much of my creative thinking time, and breaks are a time to rest. These are facts. But not really an excuse.
And here's an additional thing: I get some kind of satisfaction in this. I really do. There is some kind of payoff to holding on to anticipation of what could be. Something is happening -- when will I know what it really is?
That's all well and good. But I figured something out on "Invincible" last summer, and still did not follow through.
Procrastination. With benefits.
Here's another thing about me -- I like starting things. I like the global picture. I usually get bored with the details --- BUT...when I put myself into it, I love the revision process, working out the kinks, finding the right words. I really do. That is a satisfaction I deny myself when I procrastinate.
To throw something else into the mix here, I'm actually thinking of starting another project. But this one will have a deadline built right in. November is National Novel Writing Month, and I have not even considered it the last several years, mostly because of the Sanibel Conference. This year there is no conference, and I have the entire week of Thanksgiving off with absolutely no plans in sight. I'm thinking it might be a time to go back to the "Summer Rain" story and make it a generational novel. I will be forced to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days, or be a miserable failure.
No time for procrastination. No time for anticipation.
What I know about NaNoWriMo, having done it successfully in 2003 and 2007, is that it is an incredible way to write with wild abandon, to allow my story and characters to stay alive in my brain, and keep my creative life on center stage. That is the purpose of doing it. And I'm doing it with thousands of people all over the world, so it is a little less lonely. If I never do anything else with the novel -- no difference to me. I'm seeking satisfaction. I'm seeking pushing beyond procrastination.
So writer's block feels like waking up and finding a way to make my writing life work in full. My first step will be to expand on my notes, revisit No Plot, No Problem written by the founder of NaNoWriMo Chris Baty, and check out the website.
As far as the episodic "Invincible" goes, I have a tentative plan for it as well. I have a class full of students who have been writing random stories, always in "chapter" form. Like 100 word chapters. I'm thinking of introducing the concept of episodic story to them, so they can work with a form they already seem to like, but grow in how to approach it. While they write, I can be working on "Invincible."
Win-fuckin'-win.
Having said all that, I think I've moved in a positive direction. Natalie, thank you for this prompt. It has been a motivator! And now that I publicly stated all this stuff...well...expect to hear more.
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