Girls

Response to prompt #33: I've Been Writing this Since

Girls
by Laurie J. Kemp

I've been writing this since
my pre-teens on Long Island
when people referred to me
as pleasantly plump, while I
cringed inside each time, since
I learned to fit in with girls by
wearing the right jeans, related
to boys by playing sports, believed
smart kids went to college,
and became doctors and lawyers.

I've been writing this since
the boy I liked in middle school
started dating my best friend
instead, because he didn't think
of me that way or at all, since
my body betrayed me in a way
no one understood to be unfair,
breast cups runneth over on a
short athletic frame, since
the cute boy in high school gym class
smiled, and said "Get a bra that fits."

I've been writing this since
my mom took me shopping
for triple D bras, since
bathing suits never fit and I
wore all my clothes baggy, since
I begged her to take me for surgery
because I hated my body so much,
and I couldn't take it anymore, since
we went to the consultation and learned
it wouldn't happen in time for prom.

I've been writing this since
my freshman year of college
when no one knew about my
breasts and my surgery, since
instead of gaining the freshman 15
I lost them and my appetite and
my sense of what was healthy
for my body, since I wore a bikini
for the first time in my life even if
I had to leave my cut-offs on.

I've been writing this since
adulthood, trying to find balance
between work and marriage,
struggling to love myself and
my body as much as my husband
told me he did, since I joined the Y
with a friend and Weight Watchers
with my sister and lost 40 pounds
just in time to get pregnant, gain it
back in baby weight, and take it all
off again for a fit post-pardum body.

I've been writing this since
riding up and down the weight-loss
roller coaster, trying to eat better and
move more and turning 4o, since
waking up everyday and struggling
with the scale, clothes, and the image
I see in the mirror staring back at
me in discontent, contemplating
what would make the difference
in the way I feel about myself.

I've been writing this since
my students started saying things I
remember saying too, since
I began explaining to young girls
they are all beautiful inside and
out, in their own unique ways,
no matter what images they see
around them in the media,
remembering the student in me
has a lot to learn from the teacher.