Never Gonna Let You Go

Response to Prompt #21: A Musical Stamp

I hate this fucking song. I hate all these sappy, top 40 love songs from the 80's. I just do. I'm right back there when everything changed, when my family fell apart...

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever...

My parents had been separated for about a year. They dropped that bomb on us the summer before when we returned from sleep-away camp. Not an inkling of a suspicion by my sister or me. Both crying, they choked back the tears trying to explain. "We're going to live apart for awhile," Dad said, with a sadness in his eyes I had never seen before.

"We love each other and both of you very much," my mom eeked out in between sniffles. They explained they had some stuff to work out and somehow we knew, whether they said it or not, they were going to marriage counseling.

My dad took his already packed suitcases, gave my sister and me hugs, and he left in a cab. My mom sunk into sadness and retreated to her bedroom. And now, we were the children of a broken home. This was new for us. Divorces weren't as common then. I only had one friend in a single parent home. But we adjusted. We got by. And Dad was never too far away. His office was still in the basement of our home, so he was there during the week.

In less than a year, we were shocked to hear Dad was moving back home. I don't remember how they gave us the news, or even how we celebrated. But my sister and I were elated we would all be together again.

I was a wrong as I could be
To let you get away from me...

I was happy. Young, naive, and relieved my parents were going to give it another go. I believed they had put their problems behind them, and things were back to normal now. Heck, I never saw it coming in the first place. How could I believe we would be anything other than a family. I was twelve. And that's how we lived, like everything was normal again. My Bat-Mitzvah was approaching, and we would enjoy a huge family gala, just like my sister had a couple of years prior.

...But now that I've come to see the light
All I wanna do is make things right

We were a family again. In fact, it seemed so normal I have no specific memories at all of that time period. Nothing stands out. Only the barrage of cheesy love songs on the radio. I loved to listen to late night dedication shows. People would call up and send long distance dedications to their loved ones across the globe, or even dedicate a song to a secret romantic interest right across town. It seemed like all the songs were about my parents.

But if there's some feeling left in you
A flicker of love that still shines through
Let's talk it out
Let's talk about second chances

I believed it. I believed the entire charade. My family was back together again. I would no longer have that ache in my heart when I was walking down town with with my friend's family thinking, I'll never have this again. I was young and optimistic. A child who just wanted her family to be together.

What and see
It's gonna be sweeter than it was before
I gave some then but now I intend
To dedicate myself to giving more
This time you can be sure

As we all know, nothing is sure except life and death. And just before my 13th birthday, my parents marriage was surely dead. There was sadness and tears this time too. But the tears were different. They weren't droplets of soft cleansing saline, they were hard water tears. They stung like little needles. And there were no promises of love or things to work out. There was an emptiness. Dad wasn't there, and though my mom stood there in front of us, there was just a shell of the lively woman who raised us. She had all the joy and air sucked out of her, and a part of all of us died that day...

Fuck the 80's. Fuck Sergio Mendes, and Peaches and Herb, and Atlantic Starr with their double r. Fuck all those cheesy love songs that romanticize love gone bad and reunited.  Some things just can't be fixed once their broken.




Lyrics from Never Gonna Let You Go by Sergio Mendes copyright Sony Music.