"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." line 1 of Psalm 23
I kept trying to use cool song lyrics from The Verve, U2 and Alanis Morissette, but this line from Psalm 23 that I had to memorize at First Baptist Church in Pontiac, Michigan some 39 years ago was the line that kept creeping into my brain. I had to let it; obviously there was something meaningful embedded in these words.
I remember my Bampa (maternal grandfather) asking me what I wanted for my birthday---my 7th or 8th, I can't remember which--- and me telling him I wanted a white Bible with gold edges on the pages. Everyone thought it was precious. That was me. Precious and genuinely Christian to the core.
When I got the gift, I immediately turned to this, my favorite (maybe because I had to memorize it?) part of the Bible. The picture was beautiful: sheep drinking from a clear stream, shepherds watching over them.
I remember as I recited this verse over and over again thinking I loved all of the words except the part about death. The idea scared me, even if God was with me.
Flash forward a couple of years later when Bampa died of a heart attack. This Psalm was printed on beautiful laminated cards along with his "stats." The words took on a whole new meaning, and now I cannot read them without getting weepy. What they didn't do was give a 9-year-old comfort that someone she loved dearly was gone, ripped away from her suddenly. In fact, since then, funerals make me a kind of uncomfortable I cannot explain.
I shall not want.
Those words are true. I have never wanted for anything, even growing up in a lower middle-class family. Well, I wanted but didn't need for anything.
As I approach a new phase in my life, one where family roles are changing, my career is taking a new path, and my body has started rebelling against me, I have to remember that I do not want. And, now I think I am ready to transition. The part of the Psalm that will guide me through this oddly confusing yet amazing time starts in line 2 and bleeds into line 3: "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul."
A little restoration and stillness sounds just fine right about now.
And, yes, I still am not keen on line 4, but I am sure one day I will see it differently.
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